To waste time or not to waste time…

I recently had a conversation that led me to question when it’s considered wasting time by being in a relationship.  By “waste time” I strictly mean having no future.  This issue came up while I was talking with a friend of mine.  I simply said he was too old to be putting in so much effort and spending as much time as he does with girls he has no future with.  He is 30 and by social norm, should be dating, end up in a long term relationship that will eventually turn into an engagement and then marriage.  Well, anyway that’s what we’re told.

Now take me for example, 25 years old, still young, but getting up there in terms of female years.  Let’s not kid ourselves, there is a definite difference between females aging and males aging.  This puts me basically in the same boat as my older, male friend.

So then when is it okay to waste time with someone just for the sake of having fun?  The general population seems to think being in a relationship during college is a no-no because that’s when you’re supposed to meet people and experience life and have fun.  Would that then make the acceptable relationship-just-to-be-in-a-relationship period right after college and somewhere around 25 for girls?  What about guys?  Maybe right after college until their late 20s?  And then what, it’s time to crack down and find yourself a mate?  And then that is not an immediate process either.  You date someone for a while before making the big jump to engagement.  But back to the issue at hand…

On one hand, isn’t everything an experience?  Doesn’t each relationship, meaningless or meaningful, all innately have a meaning?  I say go with your gut.  If you feel like being in a relationship, be in one but make sure to take something from it and don’t let it hinder your chance of finding someone better for you.  And by better, I don’t mean the grass is always green kind of better, but more so better suited for you.  I also don’t mean cheat if that someone else comes along.  On the other hand, if you prefer being single, then be single but don’t choose that path just because of social norms and “taking advantage of your youth.”  Basically, don’t miss out on a good thing because of wherever you think you’re supposed to be at a certain point in life.  You may think you don’t want a relationship now, or just got out of one and need time to be single, or are desperately seeking a relationship.  Be open to whatever, or whomever comes your way because you really never know when that person may show up.

2 thoughts on “To waste time or not to waste time…

  1. Jenifer! 25 is NOT “getting up there.” Women can lead very happy single lives well into their 30’s (and beyond). My sister got married at 40 and has her 2nd child on the way.

    That said, age is not important. finding a good match is . . . whenever that happens. And nobody should let a manufactured timeline determine that.

    Now, having kids, that’s another story – because our bodies have something to say about it (or rather YOURS does) but hey – you’ve got plenty of options there too! 😉


  2. I’m glad that you defined “wasting time” as “having no future.” That’s what I think, too. Whenever I say “wasting time,” people look at me like I’m just being mean. Great post!

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